


Caddy Shack

by shulkie



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Humor, M/M, Makeouts, Silly, Sloppy BJs, beach party, caddy au, ererijean, everything sunny all the time always good time beach party
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-14
Updated: 2018-07-10
Packaged: 2018-11-14 05:10:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11201139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shulkie/pseuds/shulkie
Summary: Eren and Jean take turns ogling their boss Levi while caddying at a ritzy country club in the summer.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally a drabble on my tumblr [perksofbeingawaifu](http://perksofbeingawaifu.tumblr.com/post/161594369597/caddy-shack) but i've decided to expand it so I put it on here because I realized I don't have any ererijean on Ao3!!! A crime!
> 
> Also my beta wanted me to note that he did not approve the fic BEFORE I posted. Because he said there are serious flaws like, "Why would they drive in the carts AND have caddies? It makes no sense!!!" and then curled in a ball as he remembered his two summer caddying. He said the swearing was very accurate.

“You know what I like?” Eren asked.

“Suckin’ dick?” Jean teased, but his heart was only half in it, he was too busy fanning himself on the bench in the caddy shack. The oppressive heat had sap leaching out of the wooden boards giving the place a sickly sweet smell. It was only slightly better inside, in the shade, than out on the course.

“Yes, but also…” Eren struggled upright, which was difficult with Jean draped over him. “Watching Levi drive around in the carts.”

“Mm,” Jean agreed.

The humidity was so overwhelming, Eren’s hair was curling around the brim of his baseball cap, which was unfair Jean thought. And Jean’s eyes looked very honey colored in the bright light thought Eren as he stuck a blade of grass in Jean’s ear only to have him slap it away. Out in the distance, the groan of Levi’s golf cart drew nearer.

“The wind tousling his silken locks.”

“Mhm.”

“The sound of the shocks crying out in pain as he speeds over the hills,” Eren continued wistfully.

“He likes speed that one,” Jean said, putting his hat over his eyes.

“The grinding noise the cart makes because he has no idea how to use the clutch,” Eren said as they heard the telltale sound of their boss swearing at the cart.

“He doesn’t need it, the carts simply obey. All bend to his will. I’ve seen him break a nine iron over his knee.”

“The way he squeals to a halt in front of the caddy shack,” Eren sighed as Levi hit the curb with some vehemence.

“It’s like peals of laughter,” Jean chorused.

“The way he says—“

“What are you little cock gobblers doing?” Levi snapped, kicking the bottom of the bench where they were thrown across.

“Ain’t no fish bitin’ boss,” Jean drawled, fanning himself with his hat.

Levi ripped it out of his hand and smacked the side of Jean’s head.

“The Reiss brothers are coming over with a big client and you’re the only ones still here, so it’s all hands on deck, put on some fucking deodorant—the real stuff not that cheap ass, dick cheese smelling Axe body spray,” Levi snapped and then went to dust off the nicer golf carts for the guests.

“How exactly does one gobble cock?” Jean asked philosophically.

“I think it’s like when you have a really big handful of popcorn and you just kindof shove it all in your face like so.” Eren’s demonstration was quite informative.

“I imagine it’s more like feeding an apple to a horse. You know how the horse’s lips kindof go _wicker-wicker_ ,” Jean wiggled his own full lips around as he picked up Rod Reiss’ golf clubs.

“You would think it’s like a horse, horse face,” Eren said kicking a clump of perfectly manicured onto Jean’s tennis shoes.

“You just like horse dick, horse gobbler,” Jean said, shoving Eren, and knocking the clubs Eren was carrying to the ground.

Levi’s head rotated around like a hawk and Jean hastily helped Eren pick them up.

“Nice shot, sir,” Eren praised Uri Reiss as he teed off, earning him a $5 tip.

The men piled in the cart and insisted on driving themselves, leaving Eren, Jean, and Levi in the shitty cart. Before Eren could board, Levi grabbed his ear.

“You kick another hole in this turf and I will grind you up in the woodchipper and then spread your guts as fertilizer for this beautiful lawn,” Levi hissed. “Now help me push this up the hill.”

Eren and Jean got out to shove it up the hill, while once again Levi refused to acknowledge the clutch on the dead cart. As they drifted down, the machine revved back to life with a sound like a leaf blower.

Eren and Jean gripped the sides as Levi rocketed down the hill. Eren’s knuckles were white, Jean crossed himself and uttered a prayer. Levi crested another hill and Jean braced for what he called “taint breakers,” aka the heavy way Levi’s cart would land. Eren cupped himself should he fall forward and break the family jewels on the shift stick.

“You know what I love?” Eren asked, teeth clattering as the machine attempted to use momentum to make it up the gravel hill.

“Taking it up the butt,” Jean guessed, eyes closed, wishing he had taken that Dramamine.

“Yes, but the pressed lines in his khakis.”

“The pleats do accentuate his package,” Jean agreed, hoping Levi couldn’t hear them over the roar of the motor.

They lurched to a halt and Jean fell off the cart and rolled on the grass, thankful to be on land again. Eren landed on him.

“Knock it off, I swear to god, you two spend more time on the ground than you do carrying clubs,” Levi said, digging his cleats into Jean’s belly.

Levi shouldered the client’s bag and then paused. “You know…I kindof thought cock gobbling was like…multiple dicks.”

“An interesting premise,” Jean said from the ground, ankles crossed behind him.

“Indeed,” Eren said, tucking a dandelion behind his ear.

“Now is that multiple dicks at once, or one at a time?” Jean asked, grabbing his own bag and dragging it behind him.

“Yes, a community of dicks, or a line of succession?” Eren mused.

“In which case, being a cock gobbler is something of a compliment,” Jean said, pulling out Uri Reiss’ putter.

“A multitasker,” Eren agreed.

They were very quiet as each of the men lined up a shot.

“Excellent sir, you’re under par,” Jean praised and received a $20.

No one kissed ass quite like Jean. When the elder Reiss brother’s back was turned, Jean licked the edge of the bill, flicking his tongue obscenely. Eren flipped him off.

“That’s nasty, money is dirty,” Levi said, wrinkling his nose.

The client missed another shot. He claimed the ball was the reason. Levi quickly wiped the grass off of his club with a towel.

“You know what I love?” Eren whispered, as the client lined up another shot.

“Dicks flying at you from every angle?”

“Yes, obviously, but I love how he cleans balls. Have you ever seen a man more dedicated to polishing balls?”

“You?” Jean suggested.

“It’s why we’re meant for one another Levi and I. Levi and me. Levi and I?”

Jean shrugged. “Doesn’t matter because Levi likes me.”

“Bullshit, I clean better than you.”

“You clean your asscrack, but you don’t _clean_ clean.”

Levi looked over to see both Eren and Jean aggressively polishing their clubs. Jean put his between his legs and slid a rag up and down the shaft. Levi’s brow twitched. Jean finished and put the club away.

“No stamina. See? This is why Levi likes me better because I take my time, I’m thorough and—“ Eren added a lil spitshine to the club. “I make it sparkle—ow!”

Levi chucked a golf ball at his head. The muscle in his jaw was throbbing as he glared at them.

“QUIT FUCKING AROUND,” he mouthed.

There was another bumpy ride to the next hole.

“Levi I’m too motion sick to caddy,” Jean complained.

“Get your bony ass up,” Levi jabbed him with the client’s driver.

“Hi hi!” Christa cheered as she drove past them in the drink cart, the sound of hundreds of dollars of liquor clanking merrily. “What can I get you gentlemen?”

The client whistled appreciatively and ribbed Levi. “Look at that one. ‘Bout as ripe as a peach, don’t you think?”

Levi turned his long suffering gaze to Jean and Eren.

“Hi Daddy!” Christa cried, as Rod Reiss gave her a kiss on the temple. “Mint Julep? Uncle Uri?”

The client paled and Jean and Eren became very interested in the ground trying not to snort, but when the sleazy man’s back was turned, the two of them burst into laughter.

“Christa make us drinks,” Eren begged.

“No.”

“Christa make us hummers,” Jean pleaded, hanging off the edge of the cart.

“No, you know I can’t give you guys drinks. I’ll get in trouble. You’ll get in trouble.”

“Christa pleaseee,” Jean whined.

“Christaaa,” Eren hung off of her waist.

“No,” she said firmly.

“Wow,” said Eren, lifting up his shirt. “It’s like you forgot your friend. Mr. Bellyshot.”

“I still can’t believe I did that. Ymir was so mad.”

“Don’t feel bad, Christa,” Jean said, patting Eren’s flat and very tan stomach. “Everyone has had a shot off of this belly. It is a very slutty belly.”

“It’s true. I am not picky.”

“I haven’t,” Levi said, resting his elbows while the golfers clinked their glasses together.

“That can easily change,” Eren said, eyes growing bright. “Come to the bonfire with us tonight!”

Levi snorted. “If I wanted the taste of cheap vodka, pubes and bellybutton lint, I’d give it a try.”

“I have lots of other places you can do shots off of!” Eren insisted. “Check out the gunshow.”

He flexed. Levi only looked over him with a bored and flat expression.

“Christa, is this your beach ball?” Jean asked, holding an imaginary ball.

“IS THIS YOUR BEACH BALL?” Eren mimicked him, both now flexing for both Christa and Levi’s benefit.

“Is _this_ your beach ball?” Jean continued strutting.

Levi sighed. “I don’t like drinking much. Okay, we’re on. Let’s go.”

“Jean,” Eren said, grabbing his arm. “I have had a sudden conversion. I am forsaking any and all alcohol as of this very moment. I will live life completely dry. It is my destiny.”

“Then I must as well. I bet I’ll go sober even better than you.”

“Not possible.”

“Why is everything a competition between you two?” Levi sighed.

At the next hole, the client (whose name they really should have known by now if they had been paying attention), was having a great deal of trouble. A double whiskey will do that to you.

“This stupid rental club is horrible,” he complained loudly. “Do you see how off balance it is?”

“Would you like me to retrieve a new driver from the clubhouse for you, sir?” Levi asked.

“You could borrow mine,” Uri offered.

“No thanks, I never touch another man’s clubs,” the client joked and the three of them guffawed.

“See Jean, the punchline is an implied homophobia. That touching another man’s club, because of the phallic shape of the object, it offers the suggestion that one could be gay should he thus grasp it. And by saying he won’t touch them, he is reinforcing his heterosexuality.”

“Gay panic as a joke. Revolutionary. A startling new concept,” Jean drawled.

“Do you see this club?” the client asked Levi.

“Yes, sir,” Levi nodded.

“Do you see how it’s weighted?” he held it up for Levi to examine.

“Looks fine to me, sir, but I’m not an expert,” Levi said evenly.

“Here, you give it a try,” he said holding it out to Levi.

“Oh no, sir, I couldn’t,” Levi insisted, looking increasingly uncomfortable.

“Here, take it,” the client said, forcing it into Levi’s hand. “Go on, the ball isn’t going to bite.”

For once Jean and Eren were quiet. They gave Levi a brief nod of silent support. Levi rolled his shoulders, looking behind him at Jean and Eren. Eren gave a thumbs up. Levi gave the smallest ghost of a smile.

“Oh god, he’s killed me,” Eren said clutching his heart.

And then Levi swung. His follow through and form were perfect, just like the guy on the PGA label. Jean let out a low whistle. They watched the little white ball land, bounce once and then roll merely a foot from the flag.

“Seems fine to me, sir,” Levi said innocently enough, handing the man back his club and retrieving a new ball for him.

“You know what I love?” Jean asked.

“Ass?” Eren guessed.

“Yes, more specifically Levi’s. And his shoulders. And abs.”

Eren fainted into Jean’s arms.

Levi didn’t get a tip. Eren drove them back to the caddy shack, his drive offered a surprising lack of gut wrenching turns and death drops and Jean’s motion sickness abated.

“I’m so tired, I can barely move,” Jean groaned, lying down on the grass.

“At least you two got paid. How much did you make?” Levi asked.

“$150 for the whole day,” Eren said.

“$180 but I think that extra thirty is because I gave Mrs. Kaczminski some stroke tips and let her grope my butt,” Jean said.

“How’d she even find it?” Eren asked, sitting on him. “It’s so bony. Feel that, now that’s a butt.”

“Levi!” Erwin called, jogging over.

“Erwin,” Levi acknowledged his boss as Eren and Jean rolled on the ground in an attempt to cover the other in grass stains.

Erwin gave a hesitant eye at the two figures on the ground, but simple stepped over them.

“My two best caddies,” Levi explained.

“So the only ones who bothered to show up and not reek of pot?”

“Bingo,” Levi grimaced. “Unfortunately this is the best I’ve got. Ignore them, their brains melted on the course hours ago.”

“It’s so hot, Erwin,” Eren complained.

“Yeah, high of 98F,” Erwin agreed. “I was surprised when the Reiss brothers showed up so late in the day, but apparently their client insisted. They told me what happened out on the course. Said you showed their guest up.”

Rather than offering reproach, Erwin looked proud.

“It was a gorgeous shot, I’m still tingling all over,” Eren sighed.

“Anyway, they said their guest didn’t bother to tip you, so they handed me this to give to you.”

Erwin held out an envelope.

“CASH! THE GOLDEN GOD!” Jean bellowed. “Shower me in bills Levi.”

“$200, nice,” Levi said, looking a great deal happier than he had before.

“You’d make a great instructor if you’re ever interested,” Erwin said as he left, waving behind him.

They helped Levi close down the shack and then, like always, it was Eren’s ritual to beg Levi to come hang out with them. He never did.

“Are you coming to the bonfire?” Eren asked hopefully, even as Jean rolled his eyes.

“Sure.” Levi shrugged.

“Really?” Eren’s eyes grew wide, Jean stopped in shock.

“Yeah, why not.”

Eren let out a whoop and then pretended his legs had given out.

“You’ll have to carry me to my car, Levi,” Eren begged.

To both his and Jean’s surprise, Levi did pick him up.

“Me next!” Jean bounced next to him.

“Here, but I’ll drive us,” Levi said, setting Jean down next to his car.

“Uh,” they both stalled, looking uncertain at Levi’s beat up Camry.

Levi’s driving was not any better in a real car than in a golf cart.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Less quips, more lips." -- the honorable bfketh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in which Eren is too eager, Jean tries to play it cool (and fails) and Levi embodies the phrase "bump on a log."
> 
> My tumblr is [perksofbeingawaifu](http://perksofbeingawaifu.tumblr.com/)

 

Jean kissed the sand when Levi parked on the beach and Eren fell across him.

“You know what I like?” Eren asked, gasping for air.

“No, stop that game, knock it off,” Levi said, pulling a hoodie out of the truck of his car.

“The feel of mother earth herself underneath your feet because our boss drives like a madman?” Jean asked.

“Yes. God yes,” Eren gasped. There was a little pause and then, “But he looked so beautiful when he went over that speedbump and you bit your tongue.”

“Indeed. His face was chiseled by Michelangelo. Or Rafael? One of the ninja turtles.”

“Hey, chucklefucks,” Levi nudged them with his foot as he switched from his golf shoes to sandals. “I invited some of my friends, is that okay?”

“You have friends?” Jean asked at the same time Eren asked, “Ooh is Hanji coming?”

Eren’s question was answered by a loud whoop.

“Speak of the devil.” Levi sighed.

“Yessss,” Eren hissed, running in the direction of the noise.

Eren’s pledge to no alcohol was forgotten almost immediately as Christa pulled out the premium tequila she’d charged to her father’s Clubhouse tab.

“Okay so what’s the trick to this?” Hanji asked as Eren stripped off his shirt.

Levi who had just sat down on a towel on a log, clicked his tongue in disapproval and tried to look anywhere but at Eren’s chest. Very hard to do as it was like a bronze beacon. Jean whistled.

“The trick is to get as much booze into your mouth as possible,” Eren said, pouring a shot down his belly.

Unable to look away, Levi watched Hanji shamelessly lick their way up Eren’s navel and then bite the lime out of his mouth.

“I did it!” they cheered.

“You’re drooling,” Isabel pointed out, crossing through the throng and sitting down with a thunk.

“I am not, I’m disgusted,” Levi said, nursing his beer even though it was long warm.

“Yeah whatever, here I brought you food from work. Ugh, I smell like grease.”

“I smell fries,” Eren said, sliding in the sand to Isabel.

“…Hi,” said Isabel.

“Isabel this is Kirstein…or Jaeger. I can’t remember,” Levi waved him off.

“Wait what?” Eren asked, looking crestfallen. “You don’t remember our names?”

“There’s a lot of caddies, high turnover,” Levi shrugged, taking another sip to hide his grin.

“I’m—“ Eren started to introduce himself to Isabel.

“Hello, I smell fries!” Jean said, interrupting. “My name is Eren Jaeger. I have a three inch dick. Whenever you hear the words Eren and Jaeger I want you to immediately associate it with tiny dick.”

“Knock it off!” Eren said, shoving him. “Fries?”

“You both are acting super entitled to my fries,” Isabel said, taking out a large container of French fries and eating one right in front of them.

“No but come on Levi, you knew our names, right?” Eren said.

“I just usually call you Dingleberry One and Dingleberry Two,” Levi shrugged.

“Here take a fry,” Isabel said, holding out a fistful and Eren shoved them all in his mouth.

Mikasa called Eren over and he ran, looking a great deal like a fry Cthulhu.

“And be nice to him Levi,” Isabel said, taking off her McDonald’s hat and sweeping her bangs off her forehead. “He doesn’t know you’re teasing.”

“I know you know our names,” Jean said shoving a stolen fry in his mouth. “Because when we first met you said, ‘Kirstein, that sounds like the German word for skid mark.’”

“I stand by that translation,” said Levi.

“You want a cold beer or a shot?” Jean asked.

“No, I don’t like getting drunk. And I have to drive home.”

“Oh, well Reiner usually brings a bunch of tents and we just sleep on the beach rather than drive home. You know, to be safe.”

Levi nodded.

“If you help set up a tent, you claim it as your own for the night,” Jean informed him, grinning around a fry. “You should get a big one.”

“I’ll take it under consideration,” Levi said, rolling his eyes.

But he set down his drink and helped hammer stakes into the ground. When he finished, he resumed his spot on the log by the fire. Isabel and Farlan plopped on either side of him. The gentle roar of the waves was soon replaced by noisy party goers, the loudest of which was Jean, desperate to be heard and seen by Levi.

“Yeah, I think I might take my dad’s boat out on the waves this weekend,” Jean said loudly. “I mean, I’d need someone to come with me—“

“Mikasa go and talk to him,” Eren begged, nudging her.

“Who? The shorty? Who in their right mind would bring their boss to a beach party, Eren?”

“Oh look at him, look, he’s worried about getting sand in his shorts. Bless him,” Eren said, already distracted.

“Yeah, that’s not gonna come out, you’re gonna be finding sand in that crack for weeks,” Jean interrupted as they watched Levi stand up and shake sand out of his pocket.

“You know what I like?” Eren sighed wistfully as Mikasa rolled her eyes.

“Crack?”

“You know, I’ve never actually seen his crack, he’s so good about belts. Remember one day I didn’t wear a belt to work?” Eren’s face misted over as if he were recalling some beautiful childhood memory.

“Yeah, he whipped our ankles really good,” Jean agreed.

“He put his hands on you?” Mikasa asked, alarmed.

“You don’t understand caddy culture, Mikasa,” Jean waved her off.

“Apparently not,” Mikasa said.

“We’re out there, in the trenches every day, we all hate each other, but we all have the same shared experience so we love one another.”

“He made me a belt out of bungee cords. I still remember how he wrapped his arms around me and told me to suck in my gut.”

“Oh Eren,” Mikasa said, putting her face into her palm.

Connie got out his speakers and insisted on DJ-ing for them, which consisted of him getting out his iPhone and plugging it into some speakers. He had decided on some blend of 1960s pop, mostly Beach Boys (pre Pet Sounds era).

“Hey guys,” Reiner boomed over the loud music. “Look what I found!” He held up a brightly colored ball. “Is this your beach ball?”

He held it above his head, flexing every muscle while trying very hard to not look like he was flexing.

“Is this your beach ball?” Eren roared, also striking a pose.

“IS THIS your BEACHBALL?” Jean shouted, not to be outdone.

“They’re idiots,” Levi said, sighing, watching as Mikasa confiscated the beach ball.

Levi wasn’t one to really join the party but he enjoyed watching Eren and Jean dance with the others. They both had their sunglasses on even though it was pitch black with nothing but the stars, cellphones, and the fire to light their way. Eren kept sending people over to talk to Levi. One by one, they introduced themselves but once they realized Levi was fine staying where he was they left him alone. They’d linger and chat with Farlan and Isabel, but didn’t press Levi and for that he was grateful.

“ARMIN!” Eren shouted and flung himself at a smaller man who joined the party. He hung off of Armin whispering in his ear and Armin’s eyes flickered over to Levi and he smiled and patted Eren’s back.

“Is he looking? Look over at him but don’t look like you’re looking at him,” Eren begged.

“Oh, he’s definitely looking alright,” Armin said, patting his back.

“Levi Levi Levi, this is my best friend, Armin,” Eren said dragging Armin over.

“I thought your best friend was crotch stain,” Levi said, jerking his thumb over to Jean.

“Ew no.” Eren wrinkled his nose in disgust.

“No, no no,” Jean shook his head. “My best friend is Marco. Look at him. He’s beautiful.”

“What?” Marco mouthed.

“I’m talking about how beautiful you are!” Jean shouted.

“Is he making fun of me, Eren?” Marco asked.

“You’re gorgeous Marco!” Eren called. “No Armin is my best friend because he’s the smartest—“

“Aw,” said Armin.

“And he brings me food.”

“It’s pepperoni, but it’s covered in sand because Eren tackled me,” Armin explained, offering a slice.

“So what are you two then?” Levi motioned between Eren and Jean. “Boyfriends?”

Eren choked on a piece of sandy pizza. “Ew what? No.”

“I have high standards,” Jean said, putting his hand over his chest. “Unlike some people who blow nearly anyone.”

Eren made a disgruntled noise.

“I honestly thought they were a couple,” Farlan muttered to Levi.

“Same,” Levi said.

“And they both really want your attention,” Farlan added because even though Eren was busy dancing with Christa, he kept whipping his head back to see if Levi was watching. Jean meanwhile kept trying to block Eren’s line of sight.

“I know.” Levi didn’t look too put off by the idea.

“Hey so, Eren and I were having a very serious work conversation with Levi and we could use your input,” Jean said, kneeling by Isabel. “What is a cock gobbler? Or rather what is cock gobbling?”

“My plans for the night,” Isabel deadpanned and high fived Farlan. “Speaking of, we should head home, we both have an early shift tomorrow.”

She got up taking Farlan’s hand, leaving Levi undefended. At his brief look of panic, she waved bye and winked.

Jean took Farlan’s spot.

“Want a cherry? Armin brought a whole bag of them,” Jean offered.

“Ahh! I’m all sweaty,” Eren said, taking Isabel’s spot and sweeping his hair out of his eyes.

There appeared to be a silent battle happening between Jean and Eren and Levi decided to ignore it and let them work it out for themselves. Jean’s battle appeared to be waged by rocking the log they were all sitting on back and forth.

“Knock it off,” Eren growled at him, as if Levi couldn’t hear just because it was said behind his back.

Levi finished his beer and set it on the ground.

“Make me,” Jean hissed.

Jean rocked the log too hard and they all tipped backward into the sand.

“Goddamnit,” Levi cursed, rubbing the back of his head.

“Cherry?” Jean offered, looking a little sheepish.

He held the fat black cherry by its stem, dangling over Levi’s lips. Levi bit it gently and Jean snapped off the stem.

“I want a cherry…” Eren whined somewhere to Levi’s left.

Jean reached over Levi to hand one to Eren, then settled into the sand, watching Levi eat. Jean’s lips were stained purple from the berry and he crept closer, eyes searching Levi’s face.

“What does Kirstein even mean?” Levi asked, still chewing carefully.

“Cherry pit,” Jean said softly, plucking the pit from between Levi’s lips and kissing him.

Jean was soft and tasted like cherries and tequila, his kisses were lazy and slow. He liked how Levi smelled like pine and the smoke from the bonfire. He broke away and helped himself to another cherry, spitting out the pit and tossing Levi’s away.

“Ew that’s gross,” Eren complained. “Why are you spitting them out, just swallow them!”

Both Jean and Levi made identical faces of worried confusion and Levi rolled over to look at Eren.

“Please don’t tell me you’ve been swallowing—“

“Eren you can’t swallow cherry pits they’re poisonous—“

“…No they’re not, I always swallow them. I’ve been doing it since forever,” Eren rolled his eyes.

“Oh my god,” Jean put his face in his palm.

“That’s disgusting,” Levi informed him.

“They have cyanide Eren!”

“Cyanide?” Eren asked worriedly, his brows turning upward. “Am I gonna die? You guys! Am I gonna die?”

“There’s a way to tell if someone has cyanide poisoning,” Levi said very seriously. “I saw it on one of those detective shows Hanji makes me watch. You check to see if the person’s breath smells like almonds.”

“Ah-unds?” Eren asked, opening his mouth wide.

Levi held Eren’s chin still as he kissed his bottom lip. Eren kissed him back.

“I think you’ll live,” Levi said very seriously.

Eren still had his eyes closed. “Uh huh,” he said weakly.

He didn’t wait for Levi to say anything else, he slid his hand up to cup Levi’s jaw and sweep through his hair. Eren’s kisses were soft but overwhelming, leaving Levi breathless.

“This is nice,” Jean said, propping himself up on his elbow.

“Stop watching you pervert!” Eren snapped.

Jumping to his feet, Eren suddenly stripped off his shorts, wearing only his thin boxer briefs underneath.

“Woo!” Annie jeered at his wardrobe change.

“I’m going swimming,” Eren announced, kicking off his sneakers. “Anyone want to join me?”

He gave a look to the rest of the party that told them they were in no way invited.

Jean and Levi looked at one another before following at a slower pace. Jean was in the water before Levi, splashing Eren as they tried to dunk each other under the water. Levi carefully folded his clothes and set them on a piece of driftwood before slowly stepping into the water.

“Holy fuck it’s freezing,” Levi cursed.

The water lapped at his thighs.

“You just need to get used to it,” Eren said, doggypaddling around.

“Yeah, it’s fine, once you move around,” Jean said, standing up.

“Tell that to your nipples,” Levi muttered.

“They are especially perky today,” Eren complimented.

“Why thank you Eren, my boys do love to be in the center of attention.”

“Here,” Eren said, swimming toward Levi. “Let me warm you.”

He wrapped his arms around Levi’s waist, biting his lower lip as he did so. Not to be outdone, Jean did the same.

“Cozy,” said Levi.

“Which one of us would you say is the better kisser?” Eren asked, innocently.

“I don’t know,” Levi said honestly. “Let me try again.”

He kissed Eren, tasting the lake water on his lips and then he barely had time for a breath before Jean’s mouth was on him.

“Too close to tell,” Levi teased.

Eren left little sucking kisses on Levi’s neck as Jean stroked Levi’s face, his tongue slipping in between his parted lips. Levi made a little noise as bodies pressed against him from both sides. He slid his hand down Jean’s pale stomach, fingers dipping just below the waistband of his boxers. He could feel Eren hard against his hip and he resisted brushing his thumb over Jean’s member. Eren nuzzled his neck and gripped his hips as he nipped at his ear. Jean kissed him just under his chin. Levi gasped in surprise. He was becoming tangled in them, so intertwined he didn’t know where he ended and they began. With a groan, he freed himself.

“It’s too cold here,” Levi complained, swimming for shore.

Jean and Eren didn’t move.

“I’m going to hang up my pants to dry and then wait in the tent, you coming?” Levi asked as water puddled in the sand at his feet.

“Um, we’re gonna need a moment,” Eren called back. Then muttered, “Got some tenting of our own.”

Levi gave a crooked grin and left.

“I am flying at full mast here, Eren,” Jean complained.

“You know what I hate Jean?” Eren sighed.

“Freezing hard dick?” Jean grumbled.

“I hate to see him go, but I love to watch him walk away—“

Jean dunked him under the water for good measure.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> smut

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was originally a drabble on my tumblr [perksofbeingawaifu](http://perksofbeingawaifu.tumblr.com/post/161594369597/caddy-shack)

 

Levi stripped off his underwear, hung them on a tree branch and then ducked into the tent before anyone could see him naked. He slipped under the blankets Reiner had lent them and waited. He heard a whoop from the bonfire and then the pounding of feet and then there was Eren, buck ass naked, grinning ear to ear, beach grass clinging to his legs. Eren stumbled into the tent and immediately fell upon Levi, water dripping from his hair onto Levi’s cheek.

“You couldn’t have bothered to towel off first?” Levi asked as Eren straddled him through the blankets.

“Mmm, nope,” Eren said, kissing him.

“Oh wow you are both naked, I am overdressed,” Jean said nervously from the doorway.

He’d put his shirt, pants, and shoes back on and now struggled to remove them, too distracted by Eren’s bare ass and Levi’s pale, muscular torso.

“Or you could stay that way and leave,” Eren said, with a note of irritability.

Jean looked from Eren to Levi, trying to figure if he was excluded from this group.

“Be nice, or I won’t play with you,” Levi said, gripping Eren’s cheeks.

Eren pouted. “You still didn’t say which one of us was the better kisser.”

“You’re right, I didn’t.”

“Well?” Jean prompted.

“Why don’t you two tell me?” Levi asked. “Why don’t you two kiss?”

“Yeah, he doesn’t want to kiss me,” Eren said rolling his eyes. “We made out one time, I gave him a blowjob, he never returned the favor, and now he never lets me forget—“

Jean pulled him in for a kiss and cut him off midsentence. Eren flailed around for a moment before gripping Jean’s shoulders, digging his nails in as he met Jean back with his tongue. Jean’s eyes widened as Eren closed his eyes in bliss.

“Eren,” Jean said, in a gasp. “Eren is definitely the better kisser.”

“Take these stupid pants off already,” Eren said, fumbling to rip them off of him.

“I’m didn’t realize we were doing sexy things!” Jean protested as Eren cupped his ass and all but lifted him out of his golf khakis.

Eren pinned him and Jean looked over at Levi for assistance, but Levi appeared to enjoy the show. He had reclined back with his hand underneath the blankets. Jean let out a pleased grunt at the sight. He wrapped his arms around Eren, rolling him onto his back, only to be flopped right back where he started, his head striking the blankets with a thud.

“I forgot you were on the wrestling team in high school,” Jean said dryly as Eren hummed happily over his small victory entwining his fingers in Jean’s own.

Eren ran his fingertips down Jean’s pale wrists, over corded forearms and to his biceps and then—

“NO! Don’t tickle me you asshole!” Jean protested, trying to buck Eren off.

“Jeanbo is ticklish,” Eren teased, licking the tip of his nose.

“C’mon, knock it off, let’s just grab condoms and—“

“I don’t have condoms,” Eren said.

“You don’t?” Jean asked.

“Look at me Jean, I streaked here from the beach, do I look like I have pockets?”

They both turned to look at Levi at the same time. “Levi?”

“You’re kidding me right? Neither of you have any lube or condoms?” Levi asked incredulously.

Eren and Jean looked at each other sheepishly.

“Well I guess we’ll just have to be creative,” Levi sighed, rubbing his forehead.

“I have two hands and a lot of heart,” Eren said, holding his arms out wide.

“I believe in him,” Jean nodded.

“Come here,” Levi motioned.

There was a struggle as they both attempted to race the other to join Levi’s side. Levi rolled his eyes as they both met him on their knees, far too eager and amped up.

“I think I should go first because I’m taller—“ Jean started and then yelped.

Levi seized a fistful of hair from each of them.

“Are you going to continue to act like little boys?” he asked in a low voice and Eren sucked in a sharp breath. “Or are you going to be good?”

They nodded.

Eren kissed Levi, his eyes wide, tugging at the blanket and placing his hands on Levi’s thighs. Levi sucked at the hollow of Eren’s throat and felt him vibrate against his lips. He grinned and worked his way down to a nipple, taking it into his mouth and flicking his tongue. Jean followed suit and Eren’s face flushed, not used to the sudden attention.

“You’re leaking already,” Levi teased, reaching down between Eren’s legs and cupping him softly. “Are you that excited? How about you, Jean?”

Jean grit his teeth as Levi stroked him. He fell backwards and Levi was between his legs, flicking his tongue wickedly over his head. Then he did the same to Eren who gasped, tangling himself in the scattered blankets. Jean rubbed at Levi’s tailbone as he bobbed up and down on Eren’s cock. Funny, Jean thought he would be embarrassed. Eren certainly wasn’t embarrassed. And Levi had taken control of the situation for which they were all grateful. He liked to touch them and watch them touch themselves, more involved in tactile sensation than leading to any conclusion. Over Levi’s shoulder Eren fixed Jean with a look. Jean knew that look.

Levi’s lips were red and his pale cheeks had a nice flush to them.

“I want to watch you two kiss each other again,” Levi said, brushing his thumb against Jean’s lower lip.

This time when Eren and Jean met there was no fighting to be sexiest, they both wanted to perform for Levi. Eren arched his back and moaned the second Jean’s hands were on him. He bit Jean’s lip and then nibbled along his ear before whispering to him. Jean nodded.

Eren knelt down and then slid along Levi’s thigh, gripping his cock and stroking him in his hands. He liked to make eye contact, to prolong that moment and then circle his tongue around the head.

“Holy shit Eren.” Levi hissed through his teeth. “Can you—I need—holy—“

“Just lie back and enjoy,” Jean said, pushing him back onto the blankets.

“Kiss me,” Eren whispered in the dark.

Both of them descended on Levi and if he had trouble with words before he lost all coherent thought. They kissed each other, his cock between them, tongues slipping in one another’s mouths and yet surrounding and stroking him. The sensation was strange and overwhelming. He tangled his hands in two different heads of hair, pulling them closer. Eren pulled away, sucking his balls into his mouth one at a time and pulling at the skin, thumbing over his perineum.

“Motherfucking shit—goddamn—sons of—holy Christ on the cross, you bastards, you little—fuck!” Levi gasped.

It wasn’t exactly sweet talk, but it was fun to listen to.

Eren ran his lips up the edge of Levi’s cock, Jean focused on tonguing his slit. Both broke out into a titter as Levi smacked the ground with his fist.

“You doing okay, Levi?” Jean asked, trying not to laugh.

“Fuck!” Levi threw his arm over his eyes. “I’m really—I’m close.”

Jean pulled away but Eren either didn’t hear him or had poor timing. He choked.

“Why didn’t you say something?” Eren gasped, sputtering and wiping come off of his chin.

“He did!” Jean said not bothering to hide is laughter anymore. “Eren—Eren you look like—“

Levi only grunted, fumbling around for something to wipe himself off with.

“You look like the fucking android in—ssskk—Eren, you look like the android—Eren you look like the android from Alien, just—“

“It’s everywhere!” Eren complained, taking Jean’s shirt and wiping off his tongue. “Ugh, god.”

“Can you two cum guzzlers just be quiet for _one_ moment—“ Levi begged, still panting.

“How exactly does one guzzle cum?” Jean asked.

“Iunno,” Eren said, using Jean’s shirt to mop up Levi’s belly. “Like…swallowing?”

“I think it’s more like gargling with it,” Jean said thoughtfully. “Like really bad tasting Listerine.”

“That can’t be good for your teeth.” Eren shook his head solemnly.

Levi groaned. “Please. Shut up.”

They were instantly silent, which surprised him, so he cautiously opened one eye.

“What?”

“You said ‘please.’” Eren’s mouth hung open in awe.

Levi grinned. “Come here you little shit.”

Eren flopped next to him, Jean kept laughing at their feet.

“Did you enjoy?” Eren asked, looking just a little too smug.

“Yes, on the scale of blowjobs I’ve had, it ranks up there,” Levi said, brushing Eren’s hair out of his eyes.

Jean tickled the bottoms of Eren’s feet and Eren kicked out at him.

“Get up here,” Levi ordered and still laughing, Jean dragged himself over and flopped on the other side of Eren.

“Eren’s had a crush on you since we caddied last year,” Jean explained.

“Jean!” Eren protested and elbowed him.

“And what about you?” Levi asked, tugging Eren’s hands away so he couldn’t strike out at Jean.

“Oh. I’m just shallow,” Jean said, flashing a shit eating grin, nudging Eren’s legs apart. “I like hot guys.”

He spat into his hand and slicked Eren’s thighs. Eren grunted and pulled a face but shuddered when Jean slid his cock in between Eren’s thighs.

“Your cock feels so warm,” Eren groaned, thighs tightening.

He had his eyes squeezed tight and then felt something brush his cheek as Jean kissed Levi. Eren felt Levi’s belly against his swollen head and he let out a whimper.

“You’re so riled up,” Levi teased, whispering in Eren’s ear as Jean kissed behind it. “I would love to see you getting fucked by both of us.”

“Mm, please, please,” Eren begged.

Levi’s hand trailed down his belly and then between Eren’s thighs, touching Jean. Jean put one of his hands on Eren’s thighs as he stroked. Levi kept leaving small, little touches just under Eren’s head.

“Stop teasing me,” Eren whined.

“I can’t help it, you’re so sensitive,” Levi said, rubbing the pad of his finger over a nipple.

Eren bit his lips to keep from crying out.

“Shit Eren, you feel good,” Jean grunted. “You feel tighter than your sister. _Fuck_.”

“Wait what?” Eren snapped out of hazy dreamlike state he was in.

“Uh,” Jean paused. He’d been avoiding that conversation with Eren. At least Mikasa knew about Jean’s crush on Eren and was fine with it.

“Nothing.” Levi kissed Eren to distract him, pulling his fists away from Jean’s face.

Eren sighed and allowed himself to be carried away.

Levi’s strokes were gentle at first but as Jean’s hips began to stutter, he closed his hand pumping him. And as he grew closer to orgasm he couldn’t keep still, thrashing and keening under them. It took both Jean and Levi to pin him down, Jean’s nails leaving little half moon marks on Eren’s thighs. They held him that way as they brought him to that peak.

“Jeanbo, I want you to come,” Levi ordered. “Can you do that for me?”

He didn’t smile often but Eren could feel Levi smile when he kissed him and that’s really all he wanted. To be wanted. To see Levi smile. To see him relax. For Levi to enjoy him and the delights he took from his body. And…yeah, sure, Jean could be there too. Why not knock out two fantasies of his with one stone? It’s not like they hadn’t talked about it in Jean’s parked car in the early hours of the morning.

Jean’s voice cracked as he came and his vision whited out. He slipped out and examined the mess he’d made of Eren’s thighs, slipping his hands to cup Eren’s balls as Levi pumped him. Eren’s face was screwed up and he looked angry, even though Jean knew this was the happiest he’d probably ever been in his small life.

Eren came and then collapsed, chest heaving, tears in his eyes.

“You okay?” Levi asked after a few moments, brushing his hair out of his face.

“Yeah, sorry, it was just a little much,” Eren said, wiping at his nose.

“I’m too hot,” Jean complained rolling on his back, looking a great deal like a beached starfish. “Eren you’re like a goddamn furnace.”

“Fuck I’m sweating everywhere, my knees are sweaty,” Eren groaned. He opened one eye to look at Levi. “So?”

“So…what?” Levi asked, using Jean’s t-shirt to clean his hands.

“Which one of us was better?” Eren asked.

“Me, _I_ was the best,” Levi said, slapping the shirt on Eren’s hip. “Fuckin’ shit, I can barely keep my eyes open.”

He turned to look at the pair. Eren was already asleep. Jean halfway there. Levi allowed himself to be carried off.

<*>

Levi woke up at the sound of a car starting up and driving off the beach. He had a moment where he couldn’t figure out where he was. He had a head on his shoulder and another on his outstretched arm. Jean was clinging to Eren like he might escape and Eren was drooling on Levi’s chest.

Levi sat up like a lightning bolt had gone through him, flinging both off of him.

“Get up! Get up! Oh you little fuckers—where’s my—“ he fumbled around for his phone.

Eight-thirty. He couldn’t have been blessed even with eight on the nose. No. Eight-thiry. He was supposed to open up the caddy shack two hours ago. He scrambled for his phone.

“Which one of you little asshats turned off my alarm?” he asked dangerously, holding it in his hands.

Both sat up, hair sticking every which way, dried drool crusting Eren’s cheek and dried come still on his belly.

“Oh, yeah it was annoying,” Eren yawned.

“I am late, I am so fucking late. This was a huge fucking mistake. Both of you rich ass doctor’s kids. Neither of you need this job, I need this job, and you cocked it up for me. I can’t be late or they’re going to—“ Levi struggled with the zipper to the tent.

“Levi,” Jean started, rubbing his eyes.

“No, fuck you, this was so stupid. I can’t believe I—“

He forced his arm out the tent door and froze as it hit him. Rain. The clouds overhead rumbled and the horizon lit up with lightning. The high heat and humidity had finally broken.

“Green is closed today,” Jean said, putting his arm around Levi’s neck and kissing his temple.

“We thought we’d let you sleep in,” Eren told him, propping himself up on his elbow.

Levi wasn’t quite ready to let go of that anger. “Well just because the caddy shack is closed doesn’t mean I—“

“Mikasa got you a shift at five for the dinner rush,” Eren mumbled. “I texted her a half hour ago.”

Levi finally relaxed. He turned around and crawled under the blanket, slipping next to Eren.

“Your breath is awful,” Levi complained as Jean lazily kissed his neck.

“Okay, I’m going to bed, because someone’s toenails kept scratching me last night,” Eren said rolling over.

It only took about five more minutes of heavy petting before he changed his mind.

“You know what I like?” Eren said, over Levi’s shoulder.

“Sucking dick,” Jean guessed, hard against Levi’s thigh already.

“Yes, but…we could go get condoms and try more different things,” Eren suggested lightly. “We can’t go to my place because Mikasa will be there. Maybe we could go to yours, Levi?”

“Nah, roommates,” Levi said, chewing on his cheek in thought.

“We’ll go to my place,” Jean decided.

Except even after they carefully packed up Reiner’s tent and drove to the pharmacy to get condoms and lube, Jean’s mother followed them around the entire house, shoving plates full of cookies at them.

“Jeanbo never brings his friends over for me to meet,” she sighed happily, insisting on making them pancakes. “And maybe you two can help me.”

“Sure Mrs. Kirstein,” Eren said, digging in to the stack of pancakes.

“So we were playing a game—have you played Cards Against Humanity? And there was a card that said bukkake and Jean won’t tell me what it means.”

“Mom!” Jean shouted.

Levi choked on his food.

“That is an excellent question, Mrs. Kirstein,” Eren said. “You see bukkake in Japanese means ‘sauce.’ But in certain other contexts it means a different kind of sauce. A special sauce if you will—“

“Jaeger, I will _murder_ you—“ Jean threatened. “MOM! Don’t you have to go to church?”

Jean all but shoved her out the door and the second she was gone they went upstairs to Jean’s room and removed their dirty clothes again, leaving them in sandy piles on the floor.

And when the green was hot and flies buzzing all around, they would take refuge in the shady Caddy Shack and let their hands wander all over each other, just to kill time in the summer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you like, please leave kudos and/or comments and reblog the post on my tumblr: [perksofbeingawaifu](http://perksofbeingawaifu.tumblr.com/)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WHAT? YOU DIDN'T THINK THERE'D BE MORE DID YOU???

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More caddy shack antics, now with 75% more feels! WHEN IT'S TOO HOT OUT I LIKE TO WRITE FICS WITH HEAT WAVES!
> 
> This fic is completely irreverent. I just wanted to write funnies with buttsecks. I am a woman of simple tastes.
> 
> A WILD ZEKE APPEARS! This is my first (wait second?) time writing him. ENJOYyyyyyy!~
> 
> My tumblr is [perksofbeingawaifu](http://perksofbeingawaifu.tumblr.com/post/161594369597/caddy-shack)

 

“You know what I like?” Eren asked, melting in the heat.

“Taking it up the ass?” Jean guessed. He pulled out a tiny battery operated fan and aimed it at his face.

Eren only let out a whimper in response, shifting the ice pack he was sitting on. “I may have been a little ambitious,” Eren admitted.

“At one point you were begging for both of our dicks at once,” Jean reminded him. “You’re lucky Levi refused. Your poor asshole, could you imagine?”

It had been nearly a year since their threesome in the tent. Nothing had ever quite matched that moment—until last night. There had always been some reason why they couldn’t get together so they stuck to heavy petting and the awkward handjob. Nothing serious. Then Eren and Jean were back to college. They didn’t see Levi until they showed up for their first shift. It would have been easy for them to continue like the tent never happened. But they never made it through their first shift before Eren had his hands down Levi’s khakis while he made out with Jean. Jean called him slutty. Eren responded that he hadn’t gotten since he’d last seen them, he’d been so focused on his schoolwork and that really pulled at Levi’s heartstrings. He really was a softy at heart. He couldn’t leave poor Eren that sex starved for so long. And then when he revealed he was living on his own now, no roommates and had a whole apartment to himself, well, it just couldn’t be helped. They wound up all three trying to share Levi’s twin bed, Jean filming Eren’s first time bottoming on his cell. It didn’t make for riveting porn. Too many starts and stops and honestly Jean fell asleep before it was done.

Eren whined. “It’s your turn next time. You get to be the ice cream in the ice cream sandwich.”

“Fuck, I want an ice cream sandwich.”

They listened to the grinding of gears as Levi drove the busted cart up to the caddy shack.

“How the fuck is it so goddamn fucking hot outside? It is like satan’s asshole out there and we’re the santorum, I swear to fuck I am not working in some heat wave. Global warming is real and it is trying to fuck me. It is six in the goddamn morning, shit!” Levi said, kicking open the door. “I didn’t shower, I didn’t get to do anything because I was up until four in the fucking morning because of you two shits.”

“His words are like a gentle perfumed breeze on these hot summer nights,” Eren said, adopted a Southern drawl.

“Mm, hot out today,” Jean agreed in a similar voice.

“Mhm,” Eren said.

“Hot out yesterday too,” Jean continued as Levi pulled up the roster for the day, checking off their names.

“Mhm,” Eren said, closing his eyes. “It’s too early.” He shifted the ice pack and winced.

“How you doing champ?” Levi said, stopping in front of Eren and tilting his hat back.

“Levi my butthole hurts can you kiss it and make it better?” Eren whined.

“I gotta tell you kid,” Levi said in what might have been the gentlest voice Jean and Eren had ever heard. He leaned closer to Eren to speak in his ear. “You are doing an awful amount of complaining for someone who wasn’t even that good of a lay.” He patted Eren on the shoulder.

Eren gasped. “Do you hear what he—Jean did you hear—I let you claim this beautiful virgin butt and this is how you talk to me? Can you believe him?”

“I mean…” Jean said, using a stick to try and remove gum from his sneakers. “I didn’t really get a turn so…”

“Fuck you both,” Eren said, removing the ice pack and placing it on the back of his neck.

“Yeah we can try it that way if you want,” Levi shrugged a ghost of a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.

He put one hand on the door but was stopped by Jean who pushed the door closed. “What about now?” Jean asked.

“I told you, no fucking at work,” Levi said, pushing Jean’s lips away. “You two are going to get me in trouble.”

“C’mon,” Jean said, pressing Levi against the door. “No one is going to golf in this heat wave.”

“The other caddies are going to be here any moment,” Levi said, attempting to remove Jean’s arm.

“No one is going to show up,” Jean said, running his hand over Levi’s pressed khakis.

Just then someone knocked on the door. Levi pointed at it.

“Goddamnit,” Jean said, pulling his arm away.

“Wassupppp!” Flocke said as Levi pushed past him.

“What a timely reference, Flocke,” Eren said, trying not to laugh as Jean fixed him with a look.

“I’m on that retro shit. Only 90s kids, YOLO,” Flocke said and attempted to flash gang signs.

Marlowe walked around him and sat next to Eren, fixing his shoelaces.

“First tee off is at seven,” Levi said. “Get some water. If you’ve gotta take a shit or a piss do it now. No pissing in the woods anymore. You were seen last time.”

“Yeah Mrs. Kaczminski watched me for way longer than necessary only to just go and complain about it,” Jean pointed out. “She wants the Jean schlong.”

“Ugh,” Eren said, shifting uncomfortably on the bench. “Speak not to me of schlongs.”

“Just no pissing on the green. I don’t know why this is so hard for you inbred cousin fuckers to understand. And take a bottle of water with you. No getting heat stroke on my watch, okay? And—yes Jean?”

Jean had his hand raised and Levi’s eyes narrowed.

“If we finish our bottle of water, can we pee in the bottle?” Jean asked.

“Only if you want to drink that after,” Levi threatened. He left to go check on the tee times once more for the day in case any had called in to cancel.

“Hey. Hey guys,” Flocke said, jerking his head and motioning for them to come closer.

They did not.

“So I heard,” Flocke looked around to see if there was anyone else. “That Levi is a total—“

He made a jerking motion with his hand, sticking his tongue in the corner of his mouth.

Jean closed his eyes, praying for patience.

“A what?” Eren asked.

“He’s a…you know…” Flocke jerked an imaginary dick and hollowed his cheeks.

“I don’t get it,” Eren said, wrinkling his nose in faux confusion.

“He likes…you know!” Flocke said, still sucking on air dick.

“What is he saying?” Eren asked Jean.

“Maybe if you use both hands,” Jean suggested.

Flocke did so.

“He likes making balloon animals?” Eren asked.

“No he—slurp slurp, y’know?”

“He likes popsicles?”

“You guys are really dumb you know that?” Flocke said.

“I’m trying, I just don’t get what you’re trying to say. He likes to juggle?”

“Maybe if you pretend there’s more than one,” Jean said, directing Flocke to stroke another imaginary dick.

“He likes to hold hands with friends?” Eren asked.

Levi walked in on Flocke simulating an entire gangbang.

“Forget it,” Flocke said, stopping his pantomime.

“I’m not gonna ask,” Levi said, shaking his head. “Okay Flocke and Jean you’re with the Berger party.”

“Are you fucking kidding me—“ Jean started but Levi put his hand up to silence him.

“Eren you’re with Dot Pixis today. Marlowe you’re caddying for Pixis’ guest.”

“I love Pixis, he always buys me drinks.”

“Alcohol is a diuretic,” Marlowe said. “It’ll dehydrate you and make you have to pee more. Not smart on a day like today.”

“Old man Berger never fucking tips,” Jean complained.

“You might make more tips if you actually knew anything about golf,” Marlowe said, stretching like he was about to start a marathon. “Really what we don’t make in pay, we make in experience and knowledge of the sport.”

“Yeah, somehow I think most of us would rather be paid,” Levi said as Eren and Jean rolled their eyes. “Okay, I’m going to stay here and round up the stragglers. Go, go.”

He ushered them out the door, Eren was the last and was rewarded with a slap on the backside.

Eren yelped and rubbed his cheeks.

“Nothing for me?” Jean pouted, sticking his ass out.

“It’s just so bony,” Levi said, giving Jean a smack with his clipboard.

“See?” Flocke said to Jean, grabbing a bottle of water.

Jean sighed.

<*>

Nearly five hours later, Eren and Jean dragged themselves back to the shack. Pixis always took forever and Eren found himself regretting the free shot Pixis had given him as he was now overheated and a little sick. Fuck Marlowe, he thought.

“Hot today,” Jean drawled, little fan in his hand stuttering as if it too might melt.

“Hot yesterday too,” Eren repeated, chugging his third bottle of water.

Marlowe and Flocke had gone already. They usually left after the first shift, especially on a day like today. Marlowe had a second job and Flocke said he wanted to “see the babes at the pool.” No one else had shown up.

“Gonna be hot tomorrow,” Jean continued.

“Mhm,” Eren agreed.

There was a pause.

“Hey Jean, you know what I like?”

“Suckin’ dick?” Jean guessed, but his response was purely performative.

“Air conditioning.”

Jean let out a small cry at the thought of the clubhouse dining room and its glorious air conditioning. Eren stretched out in Jean’s lap. Jean swept Eren’s sweaty bangs off of his forehead and smoothed his thumbs over his dark brows.

“You’re really gross,” Jean said fondly, admiring how green Eren’s eyes looked today.

“You know what you look like from this angle?” Eren asked.

“What?” Jean said, tracing the outline of Eren’s full lips.

“A thumb.”

“…What.”

“Yeah your chin is all like,” Eren pulled a double chin. “You look just like when I give you a blow job, looking down at me like—“ He squished his face again.

“Fuck off Jaeger,” Jean said, pushing him off his lap and onto the dirt floor of the caddy shack.

“Jean—“

“No seriously fuck off—“

“Jean don’t be mad,” Eren laughed, wrapping his arms around Jean’s waist.

“I’m serious. I try to be nice to you and you say my face looks like a thumb—“

“Jean!”

 “Off! It is too hot for this!” Jean only halfheartedly attempted to remove Eren’s arms from his body.

“Did you eat?” Levi barked, rushing in with his clipboard again.

“I can’t even think about food in this heat,” Eren complained.

“Got some watermelon in a cup from the kitchen.” Levi indicated the tray on the busted golf cart with a jerk of his head.

They both ate in contemplative silence.

“You know what I like?” Eren said, spitting watermelon seeds onto the earthen floor.

“Spitting and not swallowing?” Jean asked.

“Yes, but I love how sassy he is with that clipboard.”

“Sassy! That’s the word I was looking for.”

“Jaeger! Kirstein!” Levi said, waltzing back in. “Your favorite golfers are here.”

“No—he wouldn’t—wait—seriously—no—Levi don’t play with me! Levi today is not a good day to make those kinds of jokes. Levi please don’t—“ Jean paled.

“Please tell me you’re joking, Levi!” Eren begged.

Before Levi could tell them he was, in fact, not joking, a tall figure ducked their head to enter the shack behind him.

“Wow. This place hasn’t changed a bit,” Zeke said examining the caddy shack. “My old stomping grounds.”

“Please tell me Dad isn’t here with—“ Eren started.

“So Dad invited me along to his golf game with Mr. Kirstein and then we’re getting lunch. I hate golf but I love lunch at the clubhouse. How’s work going baby bro?” Zeke flipped Eren’s hat.

“Goddamnit!” Jean cursed.

“Stop, why are you even here Zeke?” Eren shoved him off.

“To annoy you. That’s what big brothers are for,” Zeke said, flipping Eren’s hat again. “Hey buddy—“

“Levi,” Levi corrected.

“Yeah, Levi. You got any—“ he mimed smoking a joint.

“…No.”

“Oh come on, yeah you do. C’mon, don’t make me do this thing sober. Golf is so boring. The previous guy always had some on him.”

“That’s probably why he was fired,” Levi said.

“Shit,” Zeke said, digging around for his cigarettes.

“There’s no smoking in here,” Levi pointed out as Zeke lit up.

Zeke took a drag and snorted smoke out his nose.

“Or on the green,” Levi said, eyes narrowing in a look Eren and Jean knew all too well.

Zeke walked away whistling, “We Welcome you to Munchkinland” and Levi’s eye twitched.

“Well at least we know ‘little shit’ is hereditary,” Levi muttered darkly.

<*>

“C’mon son, you’re dragging the bags there,” Mr. Kirstein, Esq. said.

Jean’s father had added a last minute guest to his tee time—his “secretary,” who knew little about golf but did look very lovely in a short golf skirt. So Jean was forced to carry both sets of clubs. Eren carried his father’s and Levi carried Zeke’s.

Zeke flicked a cigarette butt onto the green. Levi pulled a poker that they used for s’mores out from the rental clubs and stabbed the butt with some vehemence before placing it into a plastic bag and staring at the back of Zeke’s head like he’d like nothing more than to impale him with it.

“Have you thought more about your major?” Grisha Jaeger asked, giving a few test swings with his driver.

Eren didn’t answer, he just scowled at the ball.

“There’s still time to switch over to pre-med,” Grisha prodded.

“Dad, I’m at work.”

“C’mon Eren, you don’t want to be in your thirties and still caddying do you?” Grisha asked.

Levi, who had been right behind Eren, suddenly pulled up short at Grisha’s words.

“I mean, son, you need to think about your career. You need to get a real job.”

Eren took a deep breath and sighed. “There’s an internship program that my professor said I’d be good for but they prefer older students, so next summer that’s probably what I’ll be doing.”

“Really?” Grisha looked up. “That sounds great!”

Eren snuck a guilty look at Levi and Jean. An internship meant they might not see him the next summer—or ever again. He hadn’t ever mentioned it before.

“Internship, huh?” Mr. Kirstein said watching Steffi, his new girlfriend, go up to the tee. “Why can’t you get one of those?”

“I dunno. I guess I haven’t looked into it yet,” Jean said, gritting his teeth.

Levi watched Steffi take several chunks out of the green with an amazing poker face. Zeke dropped another cigarette butt and squashed it with his shoe. Levi stabbed it and tucked it away in his bag which already had seven butts.

“This is hard!” Steffi complained and Mr. Kirstein left to help her fix her form which looked a great deal more like feeling up her form.

Jean pulled a face and Eren gave him a shrug of support.

Levi pulled out the driver for Zeke but he reached in and seized a different club.

“Uh, sir, that’s a short iron,” Levi pointed out.

“So?” Zeke said giving it a few test swings. “Who made the rules that says I can’t use this one? Why do I have to use it?”

Levi looked as if he might argue, but knew that wasn’t the way to get paid. Zeke lined up his shot and chipped it. It shot out behind him somehow and probably would have hit Levi dead between the eyes if he’d been a foot taller.

“That’s why,” Levi said, handing him the driver.

<*>

It was a grueling two and a half hours. They decided to play only 9 holes due to the heat. When they finished, they made plans to head to the clubhouse for lunch. Eren’s dad paid Eren and Levi a respectable tip. Jean held his hand out to his father, but Mr. Kirsten Esq. paused.

“Hm, let’s see,” he said, contemplating his bill fold. “What’s a tip usually, Eren? $30? $35?”

“Yes, sir. For 9 holes typically, sir,” Eren said, eyes darting back between Jean and the elder Kirstein.

“So $50, minus your rent—“

“Rent!? I don’t live with you I live with mom!” Jean exploded.

“And who pays her alimony so she can afford to live the high life? Me! So $50 minus rent—“

“This is such bullshit—“

“And minus your car insurance, and minus your college tuition…that leaves…oh look at that!”

He pulled a nickel out of his pocket and placed it in Jean’s palm, then pat his chest.

Jean ground his teeth, a tendon flashing in his jaw and the second the party was out of sight, he chucked the nickel at a tree.

Eren and Levi kept their distance until Jean kicked open the caddy shack door.

“Can you fucking—I spent over two hours out in this heat—the fucking nerve—you know he’s banging that secretary, right? I just—“

“Hey—“ Levi said, putting his hand on Jean’s shoulder. When Jean resisted, he tried again, “ _Hey_.”

“Yeah, I got it,” Jean brushed him off.

“Hey,” Levi said, touching Jean’s cheek.

Jean’s eyes were bright but he smiled at Levi’s touch.

“You wanna suck my dick?” Levi tried and Jean snorted.

“No,” he said, shaking his head.

“Want me to suck your dick?” Levi switched tactics.

“No.”

“Want Eren to suck your dick?”

“Yeah,” Jean nodded.

“Uh, Eren didn’t offer,” Eren pointed out.

Eren might have protested more, but Jean did look rather sad, so really he needed to cheer him up. He wound up on his knees on the dirt floor, sucking Jean’s cock while Levi whispered filthy things in Jean’s ear. Every once in a while, he’d reach down to tug on Eren’s hair, pull him down deeper to choke on his length.

And this was how Zeke found them less than five minutes later.

“Holy shit,” Zeke laughed from the doorway.

All three of them froze. And then—

“I’m gonna tell Dad,” Zeke said, nearly giddy at the prospect.

He took off running.

“Oh no you don’t! ZEKE!” Eren roared chasing after him.

“Shit, he’s gonna kill him,” Jean said, referring to Dr. Jaeger. He hurriedly stuffed his junk back into his khakis.

“Not if I do first,” Levi growled, referring to Zeke Jaeger.

Levi ran after Eren and Jean could only follow.

Zeke sprinted for the parking lot, Eren hot on his tails. Zeke may have worked in the caddy shack for one summer nearly a decade ago, but Eren knew the layout of the entire club. He couldn’t catch up to Zeke, not with that much of a head start, so he took a shortcut. Flying through the garden, he barreled through the prize rosebush, vaunted over the koi fish pond and burst into the dining hall. Petra gave a scream as he raced around her, only barely keeping a hold of the $56, flown in fresh, catch of the day, ahi tuna steak.

“Eren!” she scolded.

“MIKASA!” Eren yelled passing by Mikasa’s table.

Without waiting for an explanation, Mikasa set down her appetizer and chased after Eren, throwing her server’s apron to the side.

Zeke made it to his father’s side and panting, put his hands on his knees. “Dad—“

He didn’t get to finish because Eren went low and Mikasa went high, tackling him to the ground. Jean and Levi were still several meters away, unable to stop them.

“Boys,” Dr. Jaeger said with the weary expression of a man who has seen many of these sorts of scuffles before.

Eren and Zeke struggled on the gravel in front of the valet service desk just as Marco pulled up with Dr. Jaeger’s car. Glasses were flung off, a shirt was torn, finally both were standing.

“Don’t you throw rocks at me! Hey! No throwing rocks!” Eren said, kicking Zeke’s ankle.

“I will throw all the rocks I feel like!” Zeke said, tossing a handful of pebbles at Eren’s face, one striking him in the eye.

“Boys!” Dr. Jaeger boomed.

“Dad!” Zeke shouted in triumph. “You’ll never believe what Eren—“

“PARLAY!” Eren gasped, pointing at Zeke, still holding a hand over one eye.

Zeke, blinked, looking a bit like an old ape without his glasses.

“Parlay!” Eren repeated, wheezing.

“You heard him!” Mikasa said, hands on hips. “Parlay.”

Slow realization dawned on Zeke.

“FUCK!” he shouted, kicking the gravel. “Fuck!”

“Zeke,” Dr. Jaeger repeated.

“We good?” Eren asked, holding his hand out.

Zeke stooped down to pick up his glasses and straightened them.

“Yeah, we good,” Zeke said, still unhappy about the turn of events.

“Can I go now?” Grisha asked, still holding open the door to his car.

“Bye Dad!” the three of them waved Dr. Jaeger off.

“Yeah. Okay, love you little bro, little sis,” Zeke said, embracing both of them.

“Love you too,” Eren said, giving him a pat on the back.

“I’m going back to my shift,” Mikasa said, heading back into the dining hall where a small crowd had gathered to watch the incident.

“Sorry about that,” Eren called to the people watching. “Sorry Petra!”

“What the fuck was that?” Jean asked in bewilderment. “What just happened?”

“Oh. Parlay is kindof like our code word. It’s like, if you rat me out, I’ll dump all the secrets. You know. All of them. From forever. Mutually assured destruction.” Eren shrugged. “And if Dad found out half the shit Zeke got up to…” He let out a whistle.

“I am so lucky I am an only child,” Jean said, mouth still open.

The valet driver pulled up with Zeke’s car.

“Here you are, sir,” Levi said, handing Zeke the keys to his car.

“When did you—“ Jean asked, spinning on the spot, fully convinced Levi had just been there a second ago.

“Bye! You drive safe now!” Levi called, his voice so cheerful Eren and Jean exchanged a look.

Zeke waved them off, gunning the car down the road and Levi’s whole body convulsed.

“What is that?” Jean asked, now horrified. “What is on your face?”

“Is he smiling?” Eren asked, poking at Levi’s cheek. “Stop that, it’s freaky.”

“He doesn’t know,” Levi said, ribs shaking.

“Doesn’t know what?” Eren asked.

“I took all of the fish guts and his cigarettes and put that slurry on his radiator. Oh, it’s going to stink like a bag of shit on an egg sandwich left on the sidewalk in July. Oh god.” Levi’s body shook as he tried to hide another wave of laughter.

Eren and Jean looked at each other.

“Teach you to leave butts on my green, beardy!” Levi called, flashing two middle fingers before breaking out into another titter.

“You know what I love?” Eren asked, his eyes far away and dreamy.

“Don’t,” Jean said, rolling his eyes.

<*>

“Stop that, roll the window up.”

“I can’t help it,” Eren whined. “It’s so damn hot.

“If you would stop rolling down the window, the AC would have time to cool down the entire car,” said Jean, leaning over Eren to roll up the window himself.

“While you’re down there,” Eren said, aiming his crotch at Jean.

“Ugh,” Jean dismissed him.

“Hey Jean,” Eren said, leaning over to look at him.

He had his glasses on, which made him look a bit like a cross between his brother and father—not that Jean would ever tell him that.

“You know what I like?” Eren asked.

Jean was too tired to play this game. “What?”

“Working with you and Levi here,” Eren said, leaning back in the passenger’s seat and grinning at him.

Jean hadn’t expected that. “Aw,” he said, dragging his nails through Eren’s sweaty hair.

Eren turned his head to the side. “We’re not going to be able to do this next year.” His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed hard.

“Yeah, I know,” Jean said, still playing with a curl by Eren’s temple.

“I just…you don’t talk to me all year, you know,” Eren said.

“It’s a two way street. I’m busy with school. You’re busy with school.”

“Levi doesn’t talk to me outside of work—ever. I saw him at the China Buffet and waved and he didn’t even wave back. I just hate feeling like…I’m just a dusty old book on a shelf. I only really matter when you two are bored. You can pick me up and set me down whenever.”

“He probably didn’t see you. I don’t think he can see above the sneeze guard he’s so damn short.”

“Still. He could accept my friend request on Facebook or at least answer my texts.”

“Have you seen his phone? It’s ancient. And Hanji told me she made that account for him. That’s why that picture is so awful.”

“It’s not awful. It’s sexy.”

“He’s squinting like Clint Eastwood.”

“It’s sexy.”

“You think anything Levi does is sexy. You don’t think I’m sexy.”

“Because you’re not sexy.”

“Wow. Thanks dick.”

“You’re like…wholesome.”

Jean was not impressed.

“Like the boy next door. The guy you marry.”

Jean let out a groan and rubbed his face. “My mom still thinks I’m going to marry Mikasa.”

“What? Like she still thinks you two are still dating?” Eren laughed at the prospect.

“…Actually.”

“Are you serious? Don’t beard my sister dude.”

“Hey, I’m not out to my folks yet, so I’m—“

“I’m serious. Jean, look at me.”

Jean looked. Eren had made a circle with his fingers by his crotch.

“Goddamnit!” Jean shouted as Eren smacked his nuts.

“Fuck I am so fucking tired,” Levi said, opening the door and sliding into the back seat.

“Did you get food though?” Eren asked.

Levi held up a bag. “People always get way too much food for weddings,” he said. On wedding days, Levi always picked up a shift serving, giving Eren and Jean a few hours to play video games at Eren’s house before leaving to pick him up.

Jean was nearly struck in the face by Eren’s foot as he crawled into the backseat. He had his hand under Levi’s shirt in thirty seconds.

“C’mon knock it off,” Levi said, shaking him. “Not right in front of the Clubhouse.”

“No one can see us,” Eren said, rolling his eyes, but he still pulled away.

“There’s security cameras and I can guarantee you Erwin is up there watching. There were some thefts from employee cars.”

“Probably Flocke,” both Jean and Eren said simultaneously.

“Well the last thing I need is to get in trouble for sleeping with two people who I’m supposed to be managing.”

“You’re really good at managing,” Eren said with some reverence.

Levi caught Jean’s eyes in the rear view mirror.

“Where are you two taking me tonight? You said it was a date. I’m not going to any nasty smoke filled bowling alley. I’m not going to play putt-putt.”

“Oh I don’t know. Jean planned it,” Eren said with a shrug.

<*>

“I hope you have a backup,” Levi said as they pulled up to the long since closed Drive-In Movie Theatre.

Its skeleton had long been a blemish on the picturesque town, a relic of a bygone era that had passed before any of them had been born. Each time the drive-in property changed hands, they promised to revamp it and restore it to its former glory. The glory failed to appear. The last owner’s declared bankruptcy and the land remained undeveloped, held in limbo as lawsuit after lawsuit played tug of war with its fate.

“Hold on,” Jean said, getting out of the car to unlock the gate.

“I thought they were going to bulldoze this place,” Levi commented, window rolled down, hand tapping on the door.

“My friend’s dad owns the impound lot next door. They have plans to expand to here, but haven’t started. They just parked a few cars here and that’s it. Connie says the projection booth still works.” He held up an old film reel.

Eren and Levi waited, curious and polite looks on their faces as Jean set up the booth. There was a blip and an old black and white started playing on the screen. Jean raced out.

“Now, the speakerboxes don’t work to play the audio, but the AM station should—“ Jean fiddled with the Lincoln’s radio station. “Got it!”

He grabbed a blanket from the trunk and set it on the hood of his car.

“Picnic!” he said. “Science fiction, double feature!”

Eren stared at Jean and then at the leftover lobster tail and ribs Levi had brought and then up at the movie. “This is really nice, Jean,” he said quietly.

“This is the first date I’ve been on in…” Levi trailed off. “This might be my first real date.”

They sat on the cooling hood of Jean’s grandmother’s old Lincoln, watching the movie and the heat lightning. It crackled like fireworks behind the silver screen. Eren’s hair had a curl to it and Levi kept placing his beer can on the back of his neck until it was warm. Jean rubbed his belly when he finished eating and Eren tucked up against Levi, resting his head on his shoulder. Levi grumbled something about it being too warm, but didn’t try to move him. The lightning appeared to take up the whole sky and a loud boom shook the lot.

“That front is moving closer,” Levi observed. “They’ll probably close the green tomorrow. I don’t know any idiot who wants to be out in the middle of a field during a thunderstorm holding a metal club.”

Jean agreed.

And then, just as Godzilla made it to Tokyo, the storm hit. There was a sharp taste of ozone, the wind began whipping around Jean’s shirt and the projector lights blipped. Levi grabbed the leftover Styrofoam containers before they blew away. Jean grabbed the blanket off the car and draped it over the backseat. Then the cloud burst.

“Eren, c’mon!” Jean shouted, hurriedly rolling up the windows.

“It feels so good,” Eren said, holding his palms up to catch the fat droplets.

“You’re getting soaked!” Jean said, dragging him back to the car.

Eren sat down on the blanket in the backseat, his glasses fogged and covered in droplets and his shirt sticking to his body. He removed his glasses, tucking them into the cupholder up front then in one swift motion pulled his shirt off.

“Eren!” Jean protested as Eren pulled him into a wet and heated kiss.

Whenever Jean acted like that, Eren liked to bite his bottom lip. Not too hard. Just enough to get him to shut up. Eren had his hands down the front of Jean’s shorts already.

“I never got to finish your pick-me-up blowjob,” Eren said, unbuttoning the front.

“We don’t always have to have sex,” Jean said, even as he tugged his shorts off and threw them at the front of the car.

“What would you suggest we do?” Levi asked, his cool grey eyes watching them.

“I dunno. Talk? Just chill?”

“Because you’re both such witty conversationalists,” Levi said with a snort. “Okay budge up there.”

When they both just stared at him, he jerked his thumb. Eren pulled apart from Jean. Levi tossed a condom into Jean’s lap and then began taking off his work slacks. Jean stared at it for a moment then tried to open the condom with his teeth. When that failed, he handed it to Eren who opened it for him.

“We’re a little short on real estate in this car so this’ll have to do,” Levi said, uncapping the lube that had mysteriously appeared.

He reached down to slick up Jean’s sheathed cock.

“Not to interrupt,” Eren said, leaning in next to them. “But do you always carry lube in your work pocket?”

Jean fixed Eren with a death glare.

“No, I carry it in my duffle that I take to work to switch from my sweaty caddy clothes to my server uniform and I put it in my pocket before I threw my duffle in the trunk. Are you satisfied?” Levi removed his shirt as well.

“Yes. Continue.”

“Thank you!” Jean said throwing his hands in the air.

“Right, I’m rusty so no complaining, you get what you get,” Levi warned.

He slid down and then frowned, repositioning himself. When Jean’s head entered him, Levi let out a sigh. He rubbed at his neck, savoring the sensation. He began to roll his hips, grinding down onto Jean’s cock. He let out a hiss at the burn and then groaned when Eren’s hand found his cock and he stroked him while flicking his tongue at a nipple. Jean was wide eyed and holding onto Levi for dear life.

“Oh fuck, oh fuck,” Jean said grabbing the head rest behind him. “I’m gonna—“

Levi rode him through it.

“This is what I get for fucking young guys,” he complained although he didn’t sound annoyed. “No stamina.”

“That was really great,” Jean panted as Eren kissed the sweat off his neck.

Eren didn’t say anything, he let them have their moment, but the restless way he shifted made them look over. Levi clucked his tongue and then jerked his head. He pulled off of Jean and Jean only lay there, feeling suddenly drained.

Eren slipped a condom on his cock and squeezed out more lube than was necessary, wiping his hand on Jean’s blanket.

“C’mon man,” Jean grumbled.

Levi made to straddle Eren’s lap but Eren had other plans, pushing him up against the seat back and spreading his legs. Levi groaned as Eren entered him and he wrapped his arms around the head rest, pressing his cheek against it as he looked back at Eren.

Jean wanted to be a team player, but Levi had fucked the life out of him. Finishing tying off the condom, he flung it out the window unceremoniously before crawling into the driver’s seat and tilting the rear view mirror to watch them. The movie was still playing, the rain covering the projector booth window and streaking the picture. Jean turned the key just so he could get some AC to cool his sweaty forehead. He leaned forward and wiped clean a square on the fogged up windshield so he could see the screen.

“Fuck Eren!” Levi cursed and Jean would have thought he was angry if he didn’t have his nails digging into Eren’s ass pulling him in deeper.

Jean wondered vaguely if he should have fucked Levi like that but upon further reflection he decided he preferred his way better. He tilted the mirror again to get a better look. Eren let out a groan as he came, sucking on Levi’s neck.

“I need a breather,” Levi said, pushing him off and flopping onto his back on the backseat. “What am I sitting on?” He stuffed the offending seatbelt back into the seat.

Jean pulled the seat lever, the seat dipping back so the headrest nearly struck Levi’s head.

“Did you boys have fun?” Jean asked.

“This is a big ass boat of a car but with the three of us it feels so very tiny,” Levi said, rubbing his forehead with the palm of his hand.

Eren hooked Levi’s legs over his shoulders and left kisses along his thighs. Levi let out a small hum of pleasure. Jean reached over to brush his dark hair off of his forehead. The air inside the car felt thick settling over them like a heavy blanket.

“Want me to finish you off?” Eren asked, already tonguing at Levi’s balls.

“Hurry up already,” Levi grumbled.

The car smelled like sweat and rain water and Levi closed his eyes, pushing away anything else. Leaving behind any doubts and worries. Leaving behind the stress of car payments and rent. Jean kissed his neck and Levi held him there as he came. He didn’t come with a shout or a moan, just a contented sigh. He collapsed, body going limp.

“Are you okay?” Eren asked after several moments, only now seemingly concerned that he’d fucked Levi too roughly.

“Me?” Levi perked his head up.

Eren and Jean nodded.

“I’m fine. I’m just contemplating life as a corpse.” He crossed his hands over his chest. “I wouldn’t have to work, wouldn’t have to get up at—“ he yawned. “Fucking four am. What time is it?”

“Nearly one,” Jean informed him.

“Shit.”

“You work too hard,” said Eren.

“I don’t work hard enough,” Levi said very seriously. Then after a moment, “I should get clothes on. C’mon, get up and put your clothes on Eren.”

“I don’t want to, they’re all wet,” Eren complained. “Can’t we just—“

Eren lay across Levi’s chest, pinning him to the seat.  Levi grimaced but didn’t try to move him, letting Jean continue to kiss his neck.

“Can you…” Eren started, picking at his nails and not looking up at Levi. “Can you answer my texts? I text you a lot and you don’t answer.”

“My data plan is shit,” Levi deflected.

“You answered my texts about getting shifts at the dining hall for Christmas and if I was welcome back to caddy this summer,” Eren pointed out. “But you ignored the ones about hanging out.”

Levi tongued at his cheek, avoiding looking at either of them.

“Can you just try?” Eren asked, still staring at his nails.

After a few moments, Levi said, “Alright.”

This appeared to be enough for Eren, who sat up and pulled on his shirt and shorts immediately. “Good!” He put one leg through his shorts. “I want to be able to text both of my boyfriends while I’m away at college.”

“Boyfriend?” Levi asked in shock, shirt halfway over his head.

“Boyfriend?” Jean whipped his head around.

“Yes,” Eren said simply.

“I’m confused, we’re both your boyfriends now? Does that make Levi my boyfriend?” Jean asked.

“Dunno,” Eren said, a stubborn grit in his jaw.

“Realistically, where do you see this going?” Levi asked. “What, you graduate college and we all move into a tiny studio apartment with one gigantic queen sized bed where we all snuggle up every single night breathing in each other’s farts?”

Levi looked at Jean for support, Jean pretended to watch the movie, Eren crossed his arms over his chest.

“Dunno,” Eren repeated.

Levi’s mouth hung open for a moment. He must have decided that didn’t sound all that bad because he surprised them with what he said next.

“Alright, boyfriends.” Levi nodded, now seriously considering it.

It took a moment for what Levi said to register with Eren and Jean and when it did, Eren threw his arms around Levi’s neck and Jean did as well. They could do this. They could make this work. Or at least give it a try.

<*>

[Levi:] which one of you asshats left the toilet seat up?? I got up in the middle of the night to take a shit and baptized my asshole. fuck you both.

[Eren:] jean did :D

[Jean:] fuknig narc jaeger!!!

[Levi:] you know what I like?

[Eren:] ???

[Eren:] !!!

[Jean:] omg. waht??

[Eren:] Jean he’s doing it!!!

[Jean:] LEVI DON’T LEAVE US HANGING!!!

[Eren:] WHAT IS IT???

[Levi:] you cleaning my bathroom and wiping up all the pubes you left behind

[Eren:] BOO! LAME LEVI!

[Jean:] …

[Levi:] this is a fun game I can see why you like this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My tumblr is [perksofbeingawaifu](http://perksofbeingawaifu.tumblr.com/post/161594369597/caddy-shack)
> 
> If you like, please leave kudos and/or comments!

**Author's Note:**

> beach party!
> 
> if you like, please leave kudos and/or comments and share on tumblr!


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